The opening sentences was changes to better reflect one of the main claims of the paper. The transition from a general topic to the literary sources that have examined the topics was given more detail to aid in the transition. Then my claims were introduced in a more direct manner, to give more insight into what the paper will be about. In my first draft the claims were only in the paragraphs that introduced them.
Evidence and Explanations:
Evidence, in the form of quotations and a paraphrased section, was added for the paragraphs that I introduced to the final draft. The new topics like scaffolding, which used a paraphrased section as well as a quote from Gee and a quote from Jordan to argue against his points. The section on mushfake identities
I moved my claim to the introduction of the essay because it made more sense for the flow of the paper. In the first draft, I assumed I was creating intrigue, however my peers assured me that it was just confusing. So, instead I set my paper up to have all the key points in the claim in my introduction.
I introduced a new paragraph about mushfake identities to provide more evidence for a claim that I was making that mentioned the idea. This took place at the bottom of page four, after I talked about the gray areas of Discourses and the tension between Gee and Delpit. Another paragraph was added to page 2, and explained the concepts behind social learning and how they could apply to Discourses. I was able to bring in an example from Delpit to conflict with Gee’s opinion, which set my paper to find some more of the contradictions while still acknowledging Gee’s stronger areas in his paper.